Saturday, 13 September 2014

Peter Pan Life

Mum was born a sickly child prone to "bilious bouts" prescribed Guinness and dancing classes and took to it like a duck to water.
An older mum when I was born I missed her most productive years when she was a British version of the American musical dream, creating Fame long before it arrived here. With a huge dancing school producing pupils and row upon row of smiling perfect girls in sailor style bows and frills. She enthralled proud mums and promised a new future for their would be Ginger Rodgers and budding Fred Astaire's . Becoming affluent and savvy and full of promise in her late teens by her early twenties she had become disillusioned and craved the pull of the stage.


                                          @Flickr JD Harrock

We skipped along the wooded edge of the field and into "The Skitters" our private woodland playground as it seemed, following my leader , my leader, my leader, following my leader everywhere we go. The tune plays today in my head and I see her flowing auburn hair and hear her laughter dancing in the wind.

She loved Peter Pan and just like a pied piper all the local children followed our trail, raising an arm, or bobbing down or jumping over an unseen obstacle. I'm sure we were viewed as an oddity among the rest of the small town where grown ups were just that whilst we lived in a whimsical, fantasy land full of whatever we wanted to create, songs and dances, pictures and dens or poetry anything was possible.

A puppet like four year old with part of the bed sheets tied in my hair and vermilion dots in my eyes I was pulled along bus, train and taxi "stop here!" we pulled in outside a row of brightly coloured shops with large dummies, lollies and bright toys. I sat in the back as the intrigued driver watched with a bemused look on his face (not his usual cab ride I would have bet) and then she swooshed in with a flat plastic bag and tuts of "It will have to do". It was only as I was placed central to a room full of people that the contents of the package became apparent and I looked in horror at the largest plastic blow up dog I had ever seen and at least twice my size which sat foreboding in the bottom right hand of the stage. With diligence I duly performed  "How much is that doggy in the window"  falling over trying to pick the prop up won the day, I cant remember getting home just mum being happy, me losing all my medals and being surrounded in a whirl of characters that had come to life from the pages of the night time tales mum read to me.      

 And so we floated in protective bubbles keeping out the drab grey everyday existence in a glossy, grease painted make believe world which wasn't to last.

Sunday, 22 December 2013

Ghost of Christmas Past

                                          @Flickr Smabs Sputzer

Christmas was always a tug of war, I sat on the winning side of the parent who was strongest or maybe the weakest?

Perfect presents bought and hid ahead of time in the big old wardrobe with matching key from the wardrobe across the room, sat for once in the front room (the best) with wood panelling and the fire crackling and spitting. I loved that fireplace a curved fifties style, all Betty Grable ,pale tiled and glamorous so removed from the plainness of the back kitchen with its working stove and cow shed sink.

Christmas eve verged on illness brought on by a bubbling excitment that made my complexion more translucent than normal and Dad making up for lack of normality and allowing the ultimate sin, sleeping on the couch to see if I could glimpse him coming... intricate games not unnoticed by one of such early years, those fairy dusted memories linger even now.

Long ago christmas images tumble around in my mind  as I listen to the washing drying next door  and I remember dismantling decorations off the tree, ( that was always real and very tall and decorated with rainbow coloured chinese lanterns) to make a fairytale carriage drawn by a knight from the chess board as the steed.
The larder in the back kitchen bursting with apple pies, breads,  and home baked cakes pillaged from Auntie Edna's bakery.

I wonder what she did on Christmas Eve? Christmas morning? was she sad or glad? was she even allowed to come? these questions only asked now and never being able to know the answers  I sit here and wonder at the sadness that this time can bring. I like to think that she did as I do now and let go of the ones you love the most to see them happy isn't that what being a mum is all about?

"Sweet dreams that leave your worries behind you" plays on the retro radio and Christmas feels the same as it used to, a myriad of thoughts and excitement and the house piled with food. We may be watching Xbox or 3D TV, sending snapchats, or tweeting and forcing reluctant teenagers out of their bedrooms to join in and be merry but Christmas arrives on cue with all of our expectations playing out old traditions and starting new ones and sometimes pausing to remember the times of Christmas pasts.

Wednesday, 20 November 2013

Vegetable Memories




 
© PaulStainthorp / Flickr
 
Late in the day I see a blog asking for autumnal reflections but my body refuses to move with the season, convulsing and racked, head woolly and thick like the over washed wool jumper I had tried to revive last week, scratching at the surface with a dull razor. All previous warm blanket memories hide in black deep pockets in my head.

 It is days like this when divorced, middle aged, and looking it springs to mind, I decide to sit and fester in a bubble of self pity until some kind of momentum makes me move. That’s when I remember the turnip, poor man’s pumpkin, sat watching dad carve our tea into a face, he bends the wire over the top and we sit and wait for the darkness to come.

I don’t really remember the houses we called at,  just him and me,  a scrap of a girl (hair pulled into a horses plait) and  dad with hot pea soup, black as black nights, the fire, being washed in the sink with “pears soap” still triggering  technicolour memories today and much laughter, embracing the passing of another season, living and waiting for the frosty mornings to come.