I awake today with an old friend not depression but the carried pain from a life of past occurances. Its a strange feeling to acknowledge the return of something you want to shut away but in some ways there is a comfort in the well trodden path because this usually signifies a pause followed by numbness for a while.
This day though feels different the strength of emotion that screamed last night will I fear not be silenced so easily. As if a huge wormhole appears and flat spins you into the past whoosh......I wonder how to continue when the force was so strong it made my body as paper, and I begin to think the pain is not only necessary but my path to take.
If something recurs throughout your life then shouldn't you listen?
Maybe acceptance and challenge will ease the pain and stop the cycle?
I am sick of being tossed around in the recurring spin cycle of weakness, guilt, recrimination and abject misery of alcolhol addiction that pulls generation after generation through and causes hurt and pain to anyone around you leaving only utter lonliness.
Today I have no more words.I do not want to even think its name.
No comments:
Post a Comment